It’s becoming a bit of a thing to choose a word to use to define and focus the upcoming year. I’ve been casting around for one for a few weeks, since I started working on my 2018 planner, but nothing has really felt right, so I gave up on it.
But then I found my word just hanging on a peg next to my desk this morning.
Something that I grew into so naturally in my years of marriage and motherhood has suddenly become a thing I have to battle with again and work at every day. I feel like I’m pitted against the other people in my life, like it’s me or them, and I’m losing. I don’t even know where this has come from; I just know it’s there, and I don’t like it. I don’t like me when I’m acting like this and thinking like this.
~~ It took me quite a lot of writing about this photo in a lot of different places to realize that I have been living in a sort of survival mode for the past nine years. Between David’s depression (five years) followed by two midlife babies, the burdens have been very heavy and I have not been able to do much more than just get through. That’s enough to sap anyone’s joy in her life, I think. I’m actually relieved, because I’ve been struggling with this since Henry came into my life. I’ve been thinking I’m a terrible person, but I’m really just a weary person. ~~
The photo prompt today from captureyour365.com is The Beginning, and she asks what the purpose of our photography project is. Mine is love. I want to fall in love again, with my husband, with my children, with my God, with my life. And framing all the goodness through the lens of my camera helps me to see how very much there is to love.